creative outlet
Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 - 10:18 pm

random thought: life is a bitch and then you die


how do you tell someone you've loved for so long that you're so hurt? why do i feel the need to silently cry and make myself sick over nothing?

i sit here - lonely. sad. depressed. thinking of you. waiting for you to say something. anything. make me feel good. but you can't. anything you say now is twisted. it's skewed. it's not reality, it's subliminal. terrible. i should just say how i feel and get it out there to talk of, but it's so hard to say that i'm hurting when you're hurting. i feel my body being split in two. thread by lonesome vein. muscles tearing, bones cracking, blood spewing. everywhere. soon i'll be two halves of one. dead, lonely, but separate. now i have my doomed companion. only in death can i find true partnership? that can't be the truth. i'm here, you're there. yes, separate. but somehow bound to each other. over the distance the thread holds still. slight wobbling won't cause it to break, to shred, to drop me like a tear flowing down my cheek. eventually i'll find the words to say how i feel. say that i need you. but i am too busy hiding in my shell of cancer, ever stronger now, this month, this time, when all i need is to break free. it's even harder. two hearts beating. blood rushing. tears gushing. i'm sick, i'm hurt. but no words come.