so christmas is upon us now. the end of thanksgiving marks the beginning of christmas. for once, i have not prepared at ALL. usually by now i've picked out a few things for people here and there. i definitely usually have my mom done by now. but i haven't gotten her anything. oy. and it seems like every time i go to the mall, either i'm with her or i'm with chris. i COULD buy stuff for her when i'm with chris, but usually he's running around trying to buy his own stuff and i feel bad making him wait while i pick something out for her. not to mention i have no idea what to get her.

but anyway... thanksgiving wasn't all that great. i went to my godmother's house. i used to only go there for the fourth of july, but since college my family has gotten much more sparse and we've just been going there for more and more holidays. it's very nice, they're sweet people and they treat us like family. the only problem is, i like the traditions we used to have. thanksgiving and christmas were always at my grandmother's house. she left her house and went into a home while i was in high school and then christmas just stayed at my own house with my parents and no other family members while thanksgiving moved to my aunt's house. my aunt has always moved a lot, but she's always stayed close. well, this summer they moved to north carolina, which is extrememly far... especially to go for thanksgiving. this year we weren't able to spend it with them and the rest of our usual crew, so we had to find someplace else. originally we were just going to go nowhere and have our own thanksgiving, just me and my mom... but then my godmother, my mom's best friend from college, invited us. of course we didn't have a good reason not to go, so we went. but it just wasn't the same. it was good food and good company, but it wasn't the same. i enjoy seeing my cousins and talking to my aunt and spending the day with them. i always felt more at home with them than i ever will with my godmother. there's just something about those get-togethers... i just always feel like an outsider. i grew up with those people, but i still feel like i don't belong there... not for real holidays. the fourth of july picnic, sure... it's the fourth of july... masses of people get together for picnics... it's a more relaxed atmosphere. but a holiday is just supposed to be with your family. i miss that. hopefully when i get a house, i'll be able to host a holiday well. i hope family members will like coming there for the holiday and will enjoy the time they spend there.